the excitement of preparing for a date, the hopefulness of a happy ending, the blissfulness of being romanced, the uncertainty of possible outcomes.
I don't remember the last time I received flowers / chocolates on a date. Heck, I don't even remember the last time I took more than an hour to prepare for a date, or my date trying to impress me. Actually, when was that last time i went on a proper date?
It wasn't until today that I realised I missed those, although I am still skeptical about everything.
They always say that the best way to love, is to love like you have never been hurt before.
But how possible is it to remove those feelings of doubt & betrayal, uselessness & helplessness once you have gone through them all?
Its like asking you to not know the pain a deep cut brings, and how an elephant looks like.
There is no way I can start falling in love again. I don't think I am capable of letting go & love freely anymore, and this realisation makes me very sad and disheartened.
I WANT TO, but I can't because I don't harbour hopes anymore, and I am conditioned to expect the worst. My heart has no more room for disappointments.
For those who are still hopeful & believe in 'happily ever after', I am jealous. Yes, you, Miss PinkyLadyBug. Its really good that you are capable of what I'm not, enjoy while you can.
But don't say I never warned you.
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